funny divorce quotes

A man gives many question marks, however, a woman is a whole mystery. ~Diana Sturm



A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black, stinking fume thereof nearest resembling the horrible Stygian smoke of the pit that is bottomless. ~James I of England, A Counterblaste to Tobacco, 1604



Man's feelings are always purest and most glowing in the hour of meeting and of farewell. ~Jean Paul Richter



Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. ~Henry Fielding, "Love in Several Masques"



Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated. ~Garry Trudeau



History offers some consolation by reminding us that sin has flourished in every age. ~Will and Ariel Durant, Lessons of History



Truth is no Doctoresse, she takes no degrees at Paris or Oxford... but oftentimes to such an one as myself, an Idiota or common person, no great things, melancholizing in woods where waters are, quiet places by rivers, fountains, whereas the silly man expecting no such matter, thinketh only how best to delectate and refresh his mynde continually with Natura her pleasaunt scenes, woods, water-falls, or Art her statelie gardens, parks, terraces, Belvideres, on a sudden the goddesse herself Truth has appeared, with a shyning lyghte, and a sparklyng countenance, so as yee may not be able lightly to resist her. ~Charles Lamb



Does college pay? They do if you are a good open-field runner. ~Will Rogers



Even the gods love jokes. ~Plato



Gardens are a form of autobiography. ~Sydney Eddison, Horticulture magazine, August/September 1993



Visits always give pleasure - if not the arrival, the departure. ~Portuguese Proverb



Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement. ~Charles Bukowski, Notes on a Dirty Old Man



Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. ~Susan Ertz, Anger in the Sky



Everybody tells me that they would love to knit, but they don't have time. I look at people's lives and I can see opportunity and time for knitting all over the place. The time spent riding the bus each day? That's a pair of socks over a month. Waiting in line? Mittens. Watching TV? Buckets of wasted time that could be an exquisite lace shawl. ~Stephanie Pearl-McPhee, At Knit's End: Meditations for Women Who Knit Too Much



Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health. ~Author Unknown



And help us, this and every day, to live more nearly as we pray. ~John Keble



The question is this: Is man an ape or an angel? I am on the side of the angels. ~Benjamin Disraeli



There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them to an inquisitive child. ~Frank A. Clark



A pile of rocks ceases to be a rock when somebody contemplates it with the idea of a cathedral in mind. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery



It's impossible to be loyal to your family, your friends, your country, and your principles, all at the same time. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960